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Dear Readers,

Thank you for reading this blog, it’s been awhile. I moved on quite far and it’s difficult to relate to this blog anymore. MY new blog is http://monsteratemyheart.wordpress.com/

Apparently, I’ve found Vincent but a monster ate his heart and now he doesn’t have a heart. In that blog, he records everything from his journey to find his heart again.

So, see you there.

PS: I’ll complete my story there somehow.

New Series

I took this photograph a few days ago. Honestly, I didn’t expect the result would be like this. But I’m pleased. If only the Internet connection is good, I’d upload the other photos. Oh well, hope you’ll like it.

Solitude

Without solitude, we will always suffer from a gnawing question about more or less: “Does he love me more than she does? Is our love today less than it was yesterday?” these questions easily lead to divisions, tensions, apprehensions, and mutual irritability.

Henry Nouwen

A little update

Life has been pretty much back to normal and good. I learned to recognise the signs from God in my life. I’m still not able to get a spiritual director, but I have people whom I can ask for guidance and direction.

Besides that, I’ve found people whom I feel comfortable with, sorta a new “community” to accompany me in my pilgrimage on earth. The down side is that I’ve to spend more time on the Internet.

I’ve done nothing much recently, usually on the net, quiet moments/reflection, reading books. gym, observing the job market, well, that’s it.

Doubt?

“Every man hath the right to doubt his task, and to forsake it from time to time; but what he must not do is forget it. Whoever doubteth not himself is unworthy -for in his unquestioning belief in his ability, he commiteth the sin of pride. Blessed are they who go through moments of indecision.”

Angel to Elijah, taken from The Fifth Mountain, Paul Coelho.

What would I say?

The past 3 weeks have been mad. I think the most happening weeks of the year. I learned a lot about love, friendship and forgiveness. I realized I have a friend who is willing to do anything to help me grow spiritually. It feels good to finally have a friend who understand me.

Another friend showed me what the reality of priesthood and I am kinda speechless. There goes all my ideal. Sometimes, it’s easy to accuse someone for doing something wrong, but it is a different matter if you know the person. Let say, it’s easy to bring a thief to a court and seek justice if s/he is a stranger. But what if you know the thief well and he has a good reason to do it? A hungry person steals a bread because he’s starving, does he deserve a few years in prison?

I’ve learned to show compassion and mercy to others and of course to understand why people do things that they do. I try to understand the pain and the dilemma of people.

I also learned the meaning of Agape, Eros and Philia. It’s interesting to denote the differences among the three.

If someone asked me now whether I wanna be a priest.. Well, I really have no answer. I believe it’s the Lord that keeps me going.

C’est La Vie

I think one of the things that I got from the convention is C’est La Vie!
In the liturgical calendar, Advent is the beginning. Well, I just began a new chapter in my life. I think in life, it’s like this always. Up and down. So it’s a new beginning for me, hopefully what lies ahead will be better. Fr. Deshi Ramadhani SJ said that “forgive and no more pain.” He was right when he said “forgive and forget” wouldn’t work because the wound is part of our history. It’s like a scar that I have on my knee. I can still see it, but I no longer feel the pain. The sign that you have really forgiven is when you do not feel the pain whenever you remember it.

And of course, I thank God for the strength and especially for a friend that helped me went through this. Although I’ve yet to meet you, you’re close in my heart. The fact that you know what I was longing for, shows that you’re a special person who knows me inside out. It’s strange that you could say what I wanted to hear, exactly. I still read your email sometimes and it never fails to touch my heart. Who knows that a simple words could change my life. Honestly, you’re the only friend that could see the real me inside. Other friends know what I say but you understand the unspoken. In addition, you are willing to do everything for me. I finally understand the meaning “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friend” (John 15:13). If you ever be a priest, you’ll be a great one!